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“Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen.
Keep in the sunlight.” –Benjamin Franklin
We’ve all been there. There is a long overdue phone call. The days pass and the guilt increases. It starts out as a quick call to touch base, update a friend on your life or hear of a friend’s journey. Eventually reality sets in: the call will really require an hour or more because so much has transpired in the meantime. It can leave you feeling heavy and unsettled with regret. By the time you finally have the opportunity to call, you are full of apologies and hope your friend understands.
So it is with this long overdue post. My blog has needed some updating. The longer I waited to update, the further I fell behind in my thoughts. But here I am now and I hope you will understand.
Here is the quick catch-up: Going back to the end of 2011, we had a tremendous holiday season filled with smiles, merriment and Santa, of course.
Then Logan recovered well from his broken arm he received in his first go-kart flip.
And just a few weeks ago, Rex and I celebrated our 10 year anniversary. I am just so lucky to be married to him.
One of the biggest defining elements of the last few months started when the New Year set in and we started caring for my father-in-law, David, leaving little time for anything else. Five weeks of this year were spent at a hospital. Rex and I shared the early morning to dinnertime shift.
David was perfectly healthy at Christmas. One week later, we received an urgent call that he had experienced a seizure while in Montana on business. David had a brain tumor. Based on my successful surgical experience at Barrows, the family decided to medi-vac him to Phoenix. He arrived late that evening. He was diagnosed with metastatic malignant melanoma. Emergency neuro surgery was performed and he has been recovering well.
Being involved and caring for David has brought great honor and perspective to my personal journey of neuro-health. I’ve gained a deeper love for my personal journey. When trouble knocked on our family’s doorstep this time, I was able to be a true encourager and advisor in this difficult process. I can hardly fathom that the Lord knew that one day my personal experience with neuro-surgery at Barrows medical center would be helpful with an immediate family member. From long to short-term recovery and follow-up visits, we know the ropes. Experience is a good card to be holding when navigating care for someone you love. I am blessed that I already walked this path nearly three years ago.
As many similarities as David and my experiences have had, there are far more differences. My tumor was benign. His is not. Mine is very slow growing. His is not. My tumor was not in the inner workings of my brain. His is.
Before, I was put off by my surgeon’s ‘no big deal’ attitude toward my tumor. Now I understand: I am best-case scenario.
This certainly doesn’t mean my road to neuro care is over. As long as I am alive, neuro follow-ups will be a part of my life. But as it stands, problems that could arise with my tumor can be remedied. I am lucky.
And so, I have also adopted a mode of living in regards to my tumor growth.
“Drag your thoughts away from your troubles...
by the ears, by the heels,
or any other way you can manage it.” –Mark Twain
As Mark Twain said it, no matter what, I’m not going to focus on what might be. I’m not going to think about it. My tumor is what it is. For now, I’ve been told ‘Go live your life’ and so I am. There are still days of pain and weird vision issues, but they are few and far between. Besides, I have Vicodin for those days, so why worry? I’m not suffering.
King Solomon wrote in Ecclesiastes 8: 15
“So I commend the enjoyment of life,
because nothing is better for a man under the sun than to
eat and drink and be glad.
Then joy will accompany him in his work all the days of the life God has given him under the sun.”
Solomon is giving the remedy for life’s unanswered questions. He recommends joy and contentment as encouragement along life’s highway. We must accept each day with its daily dose of work, food and pleasure. If we can learn to enjoy the things the Lord has blessed us with on a daily basis, it strengthens us and we can focus on happiness rather than the uncertain things in life.
Albert Einstein said it well:
“Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.”
So, really, life has been simplified for me. I am living each day fully, enjoying life and our family. If my tumor has grown, and they recommend some sort of treatment, I will worry about it then. For now, I am well.
And that brings us to the present. I am going in tomorrow for my follow-up tests. I am surprisingly calm. The days proceeding testing are typically filled with anxiety. However, my perspective has grown more with the blessing of partaking in my father-in-law’s care.
Tomorrow is a long afternoon of testing. I have a CT-scan of the brain at the hospital at 1:30 and then I go to another facility for an extra- long MRI at 3:00. The MRI will take a closer look at the dura and the optic nerve. I am confident things will be well.
Will you please pray that my spirit does not deteriorate as the appointment draws closer? Will you also pray that there will be no growth or change detected?
“Do not be anxious for anything, but in everything,
by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving,
present your requests to God.
And the peace of God which transcends all understanding,
will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7
