My Treatment Is Moving Forward

Another week passes and things are moving forward with my treatment. While at lunch yesterday, I received a phone call from my radiation oncology office. They were calling to schedule my MRI, CT-Scan, and chloroplast mask molding (all the prep-work for my Cyberknife procedure). So, with an upbeat, chipper voice, I thanked the scheduler for getting me in so quickly. Monday at 6:50 a.m. works for me!

Holy cow! One minute I’m enjoying Chipotle with my sister, the next minute my head is spinning with thoughts of the early-morning check-in to the hospital and getting hooked up to an IV. I knew this was coming, of course, and in the big scope of my life, these are truly benign events. I am thankful that Monday’s appointments will be simple. I have been through all of this before, with the exception of the lovely new mask they’re making. These procedures are really not the end of the world.

And then, in a flash, it DOES feel like it’s the end of the world! Like lightning flashing, my mind quickly strikes to a not-so-positive place. There is fear, anxiety, laser beams to my head and tears. “I want this to end!” I mentally plead. “Can’t someone make it all go away??” I hear my doctor’s words from the last appointment: “Your tumor is growing back,” and “we must act quickly.”

When did this become my life?!

I’m striving to maintain the perspective that it will all be OK. There is, after all, an 85% chance that this treatment will be effective. We will not know for 6-12 months, but the odds are in my favor. And although this entire process has come with some ups and downs, there is an enormous blessing that I have received; it’s called humility, perspective and dependence. Without this trial in my life, I would not be where I am spiritually. Now, I wake up every morning feeling thankful for my vision and immensely thankful for my God. I am thankful that He saved me three years ago when the prognosis was grim. I am thankful that I have a friend in Jesus and that while I am being wheeled around the hospital on Monday, He will be right there with me. Clearly, the blessings outweigh the difficulties. The Lord will carry me through this.

As I walk through this, can I ask that you would keep me in your prayers? Sometimes all of this is so overwhelming that I don’t even know what I need or what I need to pray for, so I’m closing with this verse. Even if you aren’t sure what to pray, I am thankful that God knows what I need.

“In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches out hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God’s will.” Romans 8:26-27